Sin, Mourning, Repentance, Forgiveness are all often misunderstood.  David says of God in the psalms that “a broken and contrite heart” God will not despise (Psalm 51:17), but what is the heart broken over?  What is the contrition of one’s heart?  Is this feeling bad in general, or is there something more?

Chris has a son, Ethan, whom he has instructed time and time again not to run across the street without looking first.  Across the street there is a park where other kids are playing, and so often once outside, in his excitement, Ethan neglects his father’s advice and goes charging across the street at 100 miles an hour.  Once on the other side, however, the look on Chris’s face to his son, lets him know that they are about to discuss his impetuous run, and per past experience, there is some measurement of punishment coming his way.  Suddenly the joy of the park grows dim, as Ethan is aware that today is not going to be spent at the park as planned, and likely will result in a good measure of time alone in his room, and perhaps a sore bottom.  His demeanor has changed.  He pleads with his father that he knows what he did was wrong, and he feels really bad, and he won’t do it again.  Is this repentance?  Is this the broken and contrite heart that God will not despise?

Another day, Ethan charges out across the park without looking, convinced his cheetah like speed will protect him from any dangers.  Unfortunately, his cheetah like running skills weren’t a match for the other older kid down the block, Parker, who at that moment was practicing his Lance Armstrong skills barreling down the sidewalk at mach 2 on his bike.  BOOM!  Down goes Ethan (and Parker).  Much crying ensues, and a trip to the doctor reveals a broken arm for our cheetah (Ethan).  Ethan assures his father that he feels really bad, and that he will never run across the street again without looking.   Is this repentance?  Is this the broken and contrite heart that God will not despise?

Finally, dismayed at Ethan’s insistence to ignore his sound advice, Chris makes a deal with Ethan:  If Ethan will look both ways before crossing the street to go to the park every time for two months, then Chris will buy Ethan the new G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip toy that he hasn’t stopped talking about for 7 days straight (Killing 2 birds with one stone Chris mistakenly thinks).  Ethan assures his father, Chris, that he indeed is sorry about his past indiscretions in running across the street, but will “do better” now.  Indeed Ethan does look every time before he crosses the street from that day on, looking forward to saving the world, one G.I. Joe at a time.  Is this repentance?  Is this the broken and contrite heart that God will not despise?

In Genesis 25, we’re given an example of what “brokenness and repentance” is not with Esau.  In Israel’s time, the firstborn son would be granted a double portion of his father’s estate when he died.  This was done because it was then that son’s responsibility to see to it that the family was taken care of, including his mother, sisters, and adolescent brothers.  Esau, however, was really hungry one day, and gave up his birthright (inheriting a double portion) to his younger brother Jacob for a meal.  He later regretted his decision, but was his regret brokenness and repentance?

Hebrews 12:15-16 – “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.”

What kind of repentance was this from Esau?   What is important to see is what did Esau desire?  What was Esau after with his “repentance”?  Was he broken over his sinfulness in insulting his father by rejecting his birthright?  No, Esau wanted to inherit the blessing.  Esau’s original sin was desiring a meal, and now we see that same sin has grown in him.  His desire is still for physical comfort, and the means in his view now, is the blessing he threw away.  Esau wanted to repent because he wanted what his father could give him.  He didn’t love his father.  This is the same story we see in the “Prodigal Son” parable of Luke 15.

So my question is this.  What is the foundation for your “brokenness” before God?  Are you feeling bad because you expect punishment?  Are you feeling bad because you’re dealing with the consequences of your sin, and you don’t want to?  Are you feeling bad because you see your sin as keeping you from something else you want other than God?  Or are you broken because you realize the infinite love with which God has loved you through Jesus, that God has called you holy in Christ, and your actions have sullied the name of Jesus, of the God you love?

Now Chris loves his son Ethan, and he wants Ethan to enjoy a fullness of life (hopefully as a man, and not a cheetah).  It’s because of this love, that the greatest desire Chris has for Ethan, is that Ethan obey because he loves and trusts Chris.  It’s because of that love, that even when Chris isn’t watching, no bikes are coming, there is no offer of a G.I. Joe with a Kung Fu grip, Ethan will still obey his father, and his obedience will be both good for him, and very pleasing to his father.

My encouragement is to spend some time looking back over the prayers you’ve prayed to God recently about sin in your life?  What about your sin are you mourning?  When you confess your sin to God, is your heart broken over your circumstances, or your offense to the name of the Lord, in which you stand?  Be encouraged to know that no one who comes to God, broken by their sin against Him, with the love that they have for Him, will ever find a father indifferent to them.  In Christ, we know that all our sins are forgiven, that God wants a restored fellowship with us.  We also know that God, as a perfectly good Father, loves us enough to not allow false repentance to mask an idol in our hearts, when the greatest good for us, is to know and love God Himself.  Let your affections be singular for Christ, let your brokenness in sin proclaim the worth of God, let your hearts rest secure in your position as a son/daughter and heir in Christ, and let our love for Him and the glory of His name be the foundation of our brokenness.

Grace and Peace,
Adam